things change

the holidays are close to an end and that gives me warmth. New Years Eve is bearing down on us. There is this pressure (external and internal) is welcome in the new year in an incredible, fantastic manner. Too much pressure for one evening. Just as long as I am with some friends, I want nothing more.

I have taken a new position. I will be an Organizer in Training with the United Food and Commercial Workers. I start on January 6th! For the next year I will be traveling the US of A extensively. The following is certain for the next year: I will not be moving out of my parents house. I will not be living in my parents house either. I will have health insurance!!! I will have job security. I will use and develop my language skills, and maybe develop some new language skills. I will travel! I will be out of Lorain, which makes me sigh a sigh of relief.


While I did enjoy my job at the community center I did not fit into the South Lorain mode. I am considered unusual for many reasons. Some of the top reasons I am the pink Elephant to South Lorain's room: I am twenty five and do not have a boyfriend. I am twenty five and I am not married. I am twenty five and I am not pregnant. I am twenty five and do not have children. I am twenty five and I do not have A CHILD.
see a trend?

all and all I had a good experience and I was able to send quality time with my huge, obnoxious, loud, loving family.
thats it for now.

non-negotiables

kate and i got into one of our winding conversations a couple weeks ago. parents, relationship, future travels, binge drinking. the norm.
well fell into the topic of non-negotiables. to clarify what we mean about non-negotiables: the traits or interests that one finds absolutely essential to a romantic entanglement at any level or the traits or interest that completely and totally removes a romantic entanglement from possibility. deal breakers, shallow or not, our personal minimum requirements in a possible mate.

Kate's:
-no "fuzzy" teeth. "Fuzzy" teeth are based on Kate's discretion. I don't have fuzzy teeth, but since I'm not wooing Kate, that matters little.
- Cannot in any way shape or form be a Steelers fan. not even a little.

Me:
* No belly piercings. the belly button must be untouched from hoops, stubs, danglingly things, the whole shebang. never in the the present or past.
* Hands. I have a certain hand requirement. I will just say that really long, skinny, alien fingers are an automatic ejection from the romance arena.

I have some other non-negotiables, but none as static and rigid as the above two.
Kate and I both agreed that physical attractiveness can easily be trump by personality and intellect.
*I must admit that I prefer my love interest to be an intellectual and perhaps a few levels above me... and they must tolerate Prince, Neil Diamond and William Shatner

From that conversation I wondered, what does my non-negotiables say about me? What are other peoples non-negotaibles?
feedback highly encouraged

UPDATE
Christi's non-negotiables:
*neo-cons and most republicans
*people shorter than me
*boys who use more beauty products than i do

I could see how height could be an issue for you my leggy love. I rarely find a gent shorter than my 5'3", so that stays off my list.
I do have neo-cons and republics in the middle category. I guess that I couldn't bring my self to discount a large amount of the male population. But then I want my man queer friendly, so I guess that removes a decent amount of the population anyway.
does bellybutton piercings count as beauty product? i really have a problem with that

Out with the old in the...newish?

I can soundly say that my daily experience as a nonprofit employee as ignited an ache for the lovely corporate human resources.The word fiasco comes to mind when I think about my benefits and salary. Definitely a fiasco. I have been stunningly patient, and while I patiently wait I job hunt on Idealist.


Besides my struggle to get the benefits I was promised when I was hired, work has improved.
The community center has found a new location but not a permanent home. Conveniently our new location is across the street. Not so convenient - the space. The new facility is maybe 1/16 of our old building. I mean, latinos love to be close, but not on top of each other at every turn. My board is constantly telling me space will tight and I am constantly thinking they underestimate, grossly underestimate. The offical move in date for our new facility is Tuesday November 12.
Oh, did I mention that half of our new facility is a church. yea, a full congregation.

*Fall Fest 2007:

My first program at the center. It was an overall success. With my program collaborators we provided hot food, bags of candy, games, prizes and spooks.

The school was divided into two parts, the Haunted Halls (courtesy of the South Lorain Boys and Girls Club) and a neutral non-satanic, non-devil worshiping, non-sinner area for the Pentecostal Puerto Rican community. I was so stressed that we would run out of candy that I was constantly begging for donations up to an hour BEFORE the event. $400 dollars worth of candy later in addition to my own personal contribution of $100, we ran out of candy and some kids went home empty handed. But I'm such a sucker that I made up IOU vouchers for the kids that missed out and on the next day gave out another 20bags.
Over 400 people came to the event.
175 bags of candy handed to happy little princesses and princes.
I was a tired fairy and went out for drinks like a the big kid I am.

Pictures courtesy of Hillard and Carmen of the We Care We Share Agency
















these three look cute, but on a daily basis I am yelling at one of them to not do many things, like spit in the water fountain or stab each other with their pencils.

















































the baby was a monster, but i say it was an adorable snowman. get it!

since i have a regular paychech...

I seem to have decided to single handedly revive the slumping economy. I can't stop purchasing!

Items/ services purchased recently:
(* indicates a level of necessity)
- 30 Rock First Season on DVD
- X-men trilogy movie pack (@ $20! What a deal!!)
- Bridget Jones' Diary Collectors Edition - I realize the ridicule I am encouraging
- Vitamins (multi and super B complex) *
- Ipod sport carrier
- Flat Iron* (well, it's necessary to my vanity)
- Various nail care products (all intended to be used on my Wela)
- mascara
- Celestial Seasons Peach and Raspberry Tea
- Triscuits
- Brush*
- Feather Bed


overall i basically underwent retail therapy and it was great

caught in a firestrom

There so many work issues swirling around me that I can't focus straight, so instead I purg on media.


* Netflix has strangely placed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind as a Comedy. A suburban mom is in for a shock.

There is quite a bit on my mind as of late -
the uncertainty of my job
the cerebral vs the biological
pointless pop cultural obsessions
so much meaning so little.


lately though, I throw myself off. Deciding which direction to give into: the carnal or the cerebral. This is in terms of romantic entanglements. Looking back, I can see how much the flesh directed my interests. It clouded so many elements of a relationship - but mostly it clouded and dulled me. I can clearly see what I want. But I am at a loss as to how to get it. I have become terribly skilled at playing the sex game. I know how to play the actions, moments, and situations to lead up to the carnal match point. Basic interest play with flirtation - minimal personal anecdotes shared, playful social meetings and the consummation.
There has been more, yes - of course. I've had relationships first based exclusively on friendship, mutual admiration - and then sex rears its tempting head into the equation.
More than anything I frustrated by my inability to have a relationship cultivated purely on the love of the psyche vs the love of the physical.

Oh, and I am so not ok with the whole "singles" scene - way lame. I am so content to hang out with my friends instead of getting hit on in a bar.
I can see my future as the woman who has cats and a loft apartment, known loving amongst my best friends' children as either "Auntie Mancha" or "Auntie Chica".
Seriously.

Input Please

This is all conditional:
-IF you were still a child (that being defined as under the age of 10)
AND
-IF your parents would let you freely decide, without their clever parent input,

1). How would you dress (for everyday)?
2). What would you wear for extra special occasions?
3). What would you dress up as for Halloween?
4). Would you give valentines?
AND if so, to whom.

I can tell you now that I would not give valentines, but would expect at least 12. I was a child who learned to give valentines as insurance to receive them - telling i know

Finally!
now maybe things will be less corrupt!
probably not...

the day that my world stopped spinning

is today - i am crushed
since Monday the Hardees ad on Pagesix.com has promised me free fries. I admit, I placed a heavy responsibility on the free fries from Hardees, they were to be the highlight of my week. As many of you know - If it's free, its for me.

At 2:05pm the blow was dealt. While checking Hardees.com for the hours of my local Hardees I crumbled at the discovery that the Hardees that was once at the corner of Broadway and E.28TH is no longer. closed - my free fries evaporated from my clutches!!!

And the closest Hardees is in Willoughby - close to an hour away!!!!
Ye Gods!!!!! WHY?!

untitled

This is by no means to trumpet myself or to boost. It has been a good ten years since I was in the Lorain International Princess Pageant. It has been at least 9 years since that this has been the front page of the City of Lorain website - and it is really embarrassing to come to that page at work with a shit ton of people/colleagues around my computer, when researching

"oh, gracias senorita. esta muy amibale!"

so one day down and an unknown amount to go.


Returning to Lorain has been an unexpected experience. Essentially, after I graduated high school, I moved out of Lorain. Seven years later, Lorain has changed significantly. South Lorain has been swallowed up by gangs and unchecked violence. the 2006 calendar year reaped seven homicides. By July 2007, seven homicides had been committed. The latest one committed on the owner of Granny D's pizza - right across from my little brothers school and in a "safe" neighborhood.

The school system laid off close to 3oo, I repeat, 300 teachers. South Lorain, my neighborhood, has bore the brunt of the violence and educational set backs. Gangs are back in South Lorain, so many homes and businesses are boarded up. I am honestly shocked at the rate of deterioration that has occurred.

The community center I work in is actually an old elementary school and the community center leases the school from the Lorain school system. Structurally speaking, the building stands, it protects from the elements better than, say, a tin shack, but by no means is a building that suits the centers financial requirements and the communal demands. Since April the center has spent over $22, 000 on utilities due to the lack of structural integrity. The building leaks heats, water, the roof leaks, the sewer system need to be replaced. It's rough. The plan was to request a different building from the city so that when the centers' lease came up in Jan. 2008, the center could re-locate. No such luck. Yesterday the school system evicted the center. If the school system does not demolish the building the center is located within 90 days, then the center has a long life-span. If the city decides to demolish then we have to relocate. The uncertainty is unnerving but my director seems completely at ease with this ridiculous situation.

I am primed to find a new building, but my director seems to think that we have nothing to worry about. what is that?!!!!

finding my compass

so i tell my dad "I got a job offer!"
"I didn't think you would be that together"
automatic deflation

how is that I am so
I am so surprising...about the most responsible things

now I know that I actively avoided my life for quite a while
I am happy with my new job, I know that'll be the oppurtunity I've been looking for
My boss is dedicated, tenacious, and incredibly experienced
the staff of the the south lorain community inatiative cosnsists of two, me and my boss
in the community center of 15 agencies
my job is funded by a siezable grant form several state and federal agencies. i am lucky to be chosen

I am a lucky one


duckring, depending if she takes he position in Spain, will be leaving me soon.
christi needs to stay put, and the same for kate
jason is in philly still and januzzi ran away to NYC, along with the growing number of loves(dryden, jess, jord, sam, cito, jiamito)
I will go out east
januzzi and i would talk of living together - now i wish that i was financial responsible
in a year there will be a a great Sara Mari migration






ps
Big is a fucking fantastic movie

much to be anticipated!

so christ-i-kins and I have decided to collaborate in the blogsphere. the topic and tone are concise: humorous and current events. yea, it'll be us and about a hundred thousand other blogs with the same format. no fear, eventually we will be media whores and everyone will read our words!!!!

updates will come for sure!


in other news i am to return to the city of steel and polluted water for the much anticipated Flores family reunion. I am pretty stoked for this occassion. not only will immediate brood ( the Flores family break down: seven brothers, four sisters, and the parents) but the Delgado, Amador, and Garcia cousins will be in attendence! According to my Uncle David, the reunion mastermind, there should be 5 tequila shots per adult and 5-6 cups of modelo from a keg!!! hell yea, mexican-american dreams do come true!

Birthday Celebrations!!!!!

Today, my youngest sibling celebrated his fifth birthday! He's such a big boy now!!!

Teo a little over four years ago:

Teo, Big Boy style (he demands that you bow down to his Big Bioy-ness!!)




































*In two days the quarter century mark for Sara Mari goes down!*

let's run and never look back!!!

ANARCHY ANIMALS!! Breaking out of a Zoo near YOU!

the get panda escape stolen from christi-kins



http://view.break.com/323832 - Watch more free videos

Thank you McSweeny's for so accurately describing my college era efforts

the silver anniversary

my birthday month has commenced, and to illustrate my burgeoning maturity:

I have taken a job as a server to tie me over financially until I either get an Americorps position or give in and take this job my dad has lined up for me. I am now a server in training at Martini's Italian Restaurante. Everyday I, as every trainee has to, shadow a different position in the restaurante. So far I've bussed, served twice, and worked on the salad line in the kitchen. Most of the kitchen staff is from Latin America, mostly Guatemala or Mexico.

Thursday I am on the salad line with Fredrico and Pompu, or at least that's what I that he told me his name was and he has yet to correct me. During my two hour stint has a terribly slow salad maker, I flex my spanish skills and talk to Fredrico and Pompu. Fredrico responds to me to most and is quite possibly the tallest Mexican I've seen in several years. Congenial conversation ebbs in between my constant "Que?"' and "repita por favor" since they speak a notch above whispher and we are surrounded by industrial fridges, a dishwasher, and the general kitchen hub-bub.

Fredrico starts asking more questions: do I like video games, which ones?, do I like movies, do I like to dance? I think nothing of the last question and expound in great the dances i know (salsa, merengue, bachata) and my favorite musicians and then I start freaking out about the blue cheese that won't sprinkle on the salad I am making, it just goobs and oozes on my hand. Somewhere in between me giving table 52 a 3oz chunk of cheese and Pompu staring at me for making a scene over the cheese, Fredrico asks me to go dancing with him. No he asks "te gusta a baliar conmigo" "Do you want to go dancing with me?". So specific and to the point. I go, "Que". Immediately in my head i freak out. Freak out. There's no sound reason to the freak out, thats just what happens in my geared-up head. He repeats and suddenly I am deaf. completely and totally deaf to english or spanish for several more cycles of "que" until I am granted with an end. I feel my cheeks burning and the tops of my ears are red. I think that a mature woman of twenty five can say, "I don't know you well enough yet to go out with you" (while in my head continuing with "during the evening in a city that I don't know where you could easliy drug me, rape me and kill me". Then I would scold myself for letting my mother's constant paranoia finally sink its teeth into my consciousness.). No, i feign a sudden ignorance to spanish and all languages for that matter.

Later, as I finish up my salad shift and suddenly recover my language abilities enough to bid Pompu and Fredrico "Adios", I walk to my stepdad's car, that I was using since I am carless, replaying the whole scene. "Yeah, that's me the twenty five year old", I chide myself at the whole thing, Fredrico, the job, my stepdad's car.

when am I my own permanent address?

i have a problem with loving.
it's early, i know, i know.
i love back and forward and i know my impediment
i love to selfishly.
a reciprocal love repells me
i know my problem
it is costly to love reciprocally
so, so, so easy
for me to love a lovely boy
without a possibilty of reciprocation
dangerously easy

Oh me, oh my

ok, so my diligence has paid off, and now i feel comfortable proclaiming my Blogger saviness!
so following blogger directive here i am, love me!

a simple equation

a plan for the not so distant future

Take this:
(minus the cow)









throw in the following destinations:



































= who's coming with me?!!

oh crystal ball

"Hey Sara Mari, this is Da le


To have seen a quarter of a century of life...that's something isn't it

Where do you envision yourself in the next 25? Where do you want to go in the next 25?"

it is something to have lived a quarter of a century. i do agree. it's strange but i feel less accomplished now that i did when i was seventeen and a high school graduate.

i think more about the future now than ever before. in my mind there has been a list of goals/places i need to do - theres not much of a time limit - since i still believe i am invincible and immortal - someway i will make that so...need to work on that magic potion

my eyes are so big. for so long i was content in a university haze, a buffer from the world. now i am clear of that haze, and i want to fill myself with so many experiences. i'm afraid i will make myself burst.
a short list for sara mari's next quarter century
-travel southeast asia, europe
-live in central america 2yr minimum
-conquer my NYC fear and live ther for 1 yr
-children - adopt, because there will be to many children and not enough love in the next 25 yrs.
-maintain my friendships: i am terrified of losing my "chosen" family.
- be a vocal advocate for this earth. convince my mother to recycle.
- learn as many languages as possible. it would be wonderful to be fluent in spanish, chinese, and russian

- i want to participate in the world as a student and maybe in another twenty five years i'll learn more than facts.

- become a dedicated student of yoga, and eventually do this: ------------>
- work. hard hard and determined work for social welfare.
- love, laugh, sing, and dance.
- ride a horse, motorcycle (the one with the side car attached, and i'll wear goggles, a cap, and a white scarf.), a wave, and an unicycle.

Quarter of a century:The following turns 25 years old this year:

• A little album came out called Thriller

• Premiere of Blade Runner - a commercial failure, but a fucking classic

• The United States Space Camp Program
• not the movie but just as sweet

• Parade of the Mermaids - Coney Island

AND

• As of July 17th: ME!

icons for every era

talent then

talent now

this is lovely