top five...

i am always making up top five lists after watching High Fidelity.

for some reason i have been thinking of my early teens.
i would bury myself in my room, stuffing my father and stepmom out, out, out.
for hours i would lay on the floor beside the stereo, listening to my cds. pouring over the album jackets and lyrics trying to patiently extract the source of inspiration and devotion. hours and hours laying next to fiona apple's hate and kurt cobain's melancholy .
i had my middle class kid angst and wholeheartedly thought that only my cds sang my angst perfectly.
i do do love the music still.
cd's that made adolescence just bearable:

fiona apple - tidal (came in handy for my many heartaches in high school. i mostly pined hopelessly. i was a piner)

nirvana - mtv live (suburban angst, whoa!!!)

alanis morrisette - jagged little pill (standard girl angst. fuck you boy who did know that i loved you from a far!! my creepy stares in orchestra should have been a dead give away that i yearned for you!!! now you're going out with that pretty blonde chick who is a year younger than me. WHY HAS GOD PUNISHED ME?! -more or less the meat of my journal entries then)

jewel - pieces of you (i cannot believed i am admitting that on a public forum)

white zombie - astrofreak ( i did not go more than a few days without listening to this and was from the influence of a young chris konowal - one of my first romances)

*submissions are welcomed*

things change

the holidays are close to an end and that gives me warmth. New Years Eve is bearing down on us. There is this pressure (external and internal) is welcome in the new year in an incredible, fantastic manner. Too much pressure for one evening. Just as long as I am with some friends, I want nothing more.

I have taken a new position. I will be an Organizer in Training with the United Food and Commercial Workers. I start on January 6th! For the next year I will be traveling the US of A extensively. The following is certain for the next year: I will not be moving out of my parents house. I will not be living in my parents house either. I will have health insurance!!! I will have job security. I will use and develop my language skills, and maybe develop some new language skills. I will travel! I will be out of Lorain, which makes me sigh a sigh of relief.


While I did enjoy my job at the community center I did not fit into the South Lorain mode. I am considered unusual for many reasons. Some of the top reasons I am the pink Elephant to South Lorain's room: I am twenty five and do not have a boyfriend. I am twenty five and I am not married. I am twenty five and I am not pregnant. I am twenty five and do not have children. I am twenty five and I do not have A CHILD.
see a trend?

all and all I had a good experience and I was able to send quality time with my huge, obnoxious, loud, loving family.
thats it for now.

non-negotiables

kate and i got into one of our winding conversations a couple weeks ago. parents, relationship, future travels, binge drinking. the norm.
well fell into the topic of non-negotiables. to clarify what we mean about non-negotiables: the traits or interests that one finds absolutely essential to a romantic entanglement at any level or the traits or interest that completely and totally removes a romantic entanglement from possibility. deal breakers, shallow or not, our personal minimum requirements in a possible mate.

Kate's:
-no "fuzzy" teeth. "Fuzzy" teeth are based on Kate's discretion. I don't have fuzzy teeth, but since I'm not wooing Kate, that matters little.
- Cannot in any way shape or form be a Steelers fan. not even a little.

Me:
* No belly piercings. the belly button must be untouched from hoops, stubs, danglingly things, the whole shebang. never in the the present or past.
* Hands. I have a certain hand requirement. I will just say that really long, skinny, alien fingers are an automatic ejection from the romance arena.

I have some other non-negotiables, but none as static and rigid as the above two.
Kate and I both agreed that physical attractiveness can easily be trump by personality and intellect.
*I must admit that I prefer my love interest to be an intellectual and perhaps a few levels above me... and they must tolerate Prince, Neil Diamond and William Shatner

From that conversation I wondered, what does my non-negotiables say about me? What are other peoples non-negotaibles?
feedback highly encouraged

UPDATE
Christi's non-negotiables:
*neo-cons and most republicans
*people shorter than me
*boys who use more beauty products than i do

I could see how height could be an issue for you my leggy love. I rarely find a gent shorter than my 5'3", so that stays off my list.
I do have neo-cons and republics in the middle category. I guess that I couldn't bring my self to discount a large amount of the male population. But then I want my man queer friendly, so I guess that removes a decent amount of the population anyway.
does bellybutton piercings count as beauty product? i really have a problem with that

Out with the old in the...newish?

I can soundly say that my daily experience as a nonprofit employee as ignited an ache for the lovely corporate human resources.The word fiasco comes to mind when I think about my benefits and salary. Definitely a fiasco. I have been stunningly patient, and while I patiently wait I job hunt on Idealist.


Besides my struggle to get the benefits I was promised when I was hired, work has improved.
The community center has found a new location but not a permanent home. Conveniently our new location is across the street. Not so convenient - the space. The new facility is maybe 1/16 of our old building. I mean, latinos love to be close, but not on top of each other at every turn. My board is constantly telling me space will tight and I am constantly thinking they underestimate, grossly underestimate. The offical move in date for our new facility is Tuesday November 12.
Oh, did I mention that half of our new facility is a church. yea, a full congregation.

*Fall Fest 2007:

My first program at the center. It was an overall success. With my program collaborators we provided hot food, bags of candy, games, prizes and spooks.

The school was divided into two parts, the Haunted Halls (courtesy of the South Lorain Boys and Girls Club) and a neutral non-satanic, non-devil worshiping, non-sinner area for the Pentecostal Puerto Rican community. I was so stressed that we would run out of candy that I was constantly begging for donations up to an hour BEFORE the event. $400 dollars worth of candy later in addition to my own personal contribution of $100, we ran out of candy and some kids went home empty handed. But I'm such a sucker that I made up IOU vouchers for the kids that missed out and on the next day gave out another 20bags.
Over 400 people came to the event.
175 bags of candy handed to happy little princesses and princes.
I was a tired fairy and went out for drinks like a the big kid I am.

Pictures courtesy of Hillard and Carmen of the We Care We Share Agency
















these three look cute, but on a daily basis I am yelling at one of them to not do many things, like spit in the water fountain or stab each other with their pencils.

















































the baby was a monster, but i say it was an adorable snowman. get it!

since i have a regular paychech...

I seem to have decided to single handedly revive the slumping economy. I can't stop purchasing!

Items/ services purchased recently:
(* indicates a level of necessity)
- 30 Rock First Season on DVD
- X-men trilogy movie pack (@ $20! What a deal!!)
- Bridget Jones' Diary Collectors Edition - I realize the ridicule I am encouraging
- Vitamins (multi and super B complex) *
- Ipod sport carrier
- Flat Iron* (well, it's necessary to my vanity)
- Various nail care products (all intended to be used on my Wela)
- mascara
- Celestial Seasons Peach and Raspberry Tea
- Triscuits
- Brush*
- Feather Bed


overall i basically underwent retail therapy and it was great

caught in a firestrom

There so many work issues swirling around me that I can't focus straight, so instead I purg on media.


* Netflix has strangely placed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind as a Comedy. A suburban mom is in for a shock.

There is quite a bit on my mind as of late -
the uncertainty of my job
the cerebral vs the biological
pointless pop cultural obsessions
so much meaning so little.


lately though, I throw myself off. Deciding which direction to give into: the carnal or the cerebral. This is in terms of romantic entanglements. Looking back, I can see how much the flesh directed my interests. It clouded so many elements of a relationship - but mostly it clouded and dulled me. I can clearly see what I want. But I am at a loss as to how to get it. I have become terribly skilled at playing the sex game. I know how to play the actions, moments, and situations to lead up to the carnal match point. Basic interest play with flirtation - minimal personal anecdotes shared, playful social meetings and the consummation.
There has been more, yes - of course. I've had relationships first based exclusively on friendship, mutual admiration - and then sex rears its tempting head into the equation.
More than anything I frustrated by my inability to have a relationship cultivated purely on the love of the psyche vs the love of the physical.

Oh, and I am so not ok with the whole "singles" scene - way lame. I am so content to hang out with my friends instead of getting hit on in a bar.
I can see my future as the woman who has cats and a loft apartment, known loving amongst my best friends' children as either "Auntie Mancha" or "Auntie Chica".
Seriously.